An open letter to men

Hey,

whatsup? As a woman concerned for your well-being, please take what I am about to say as genuine advice, advice that you should seriously effing take. Moreover, the sole fact that I am a woman makes me overly equipped and qualified to tell you what I am about to. Fellas, it’s time to grow a beard.

did you know it is scientifically proven that beards and scruff make you more attractive? A study that did not need to be conducted concluded that male facial hair and attractiveness are highly correlated. This is something women and gay men have been trying to get you all to realize and this letter is another effort in that pursuit. Case in point: recent World Champion Boston Red Sox. The curse may have been broken in 2004 but with only one other win in 9 years it took the power of the beard to bring this team to victory, teaching us all that beards make you gents score (yes, women understand sports).

and haven’t you heard us go on and on about Ryan Gosling and Justin Timberlake?? Well, take note and quit fearing the beard- instead, embrace your face and keep it warm. I promise it will pay off, except of course for some reason you manage to grow a flesh colored beard.

Movember may support the cause of men’s health but a simple beard or scruff supports the somewhat greater cause of making you more appealing to the world. So take Movember a step further this year and grow a beard, and then continue to maintain it for the rest of your life.

sincerely,

a member of the better sex

also, while I have your attention, NO FLIP FLOPS EVER.

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